i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
