If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
