I smell stomach acid.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I did not marry a roomba.
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