yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
