he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
