thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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