dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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