Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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