I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My vagina is officially offended.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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