omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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