oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
