Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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