It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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