if only i could text you this smell
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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