I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize