I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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