How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
