so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Enjoy the penises
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
