He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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