when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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