I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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