U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
