You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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