did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think I died a long time ago.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
