Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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