I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
