We won't sleep together?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel like a drive thru vagina
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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