He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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