Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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