escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
