I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
