His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
