i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
