Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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