i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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