every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
