I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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