I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
