You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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