Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
and she was petting her beer can
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
