He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
