good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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