i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
