did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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