I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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