trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
