So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
