apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
