She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
