I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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