Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
