It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wish you could order shots online.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
