That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
