Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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