i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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