Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
