I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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