she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
