yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
