i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
