I CAN MOONWALK!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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