Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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