3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
