is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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