She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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