Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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