I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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