I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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