Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
