If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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