i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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