so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
