from now on my penis is your penis
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
