Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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