Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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