the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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