if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize