How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
