why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
