Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
