Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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